Fire That Does Not Die
by VixenSetosTsubasa
Summary: It would be better for me to simply disappear, my being vanish, I should let myself burn into ashes,break into shards, crumble into dust, cease to exist...something like a sequel to A Painful New Life. Hints of SyaoSaku if you squint.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Tsubasa or its characters, they belong to CLAMP

**Note:** This poem is about what I think Clone Syaoran could have thought

at some point or another, and it takes place after Acid Tokyo but before Sakura's soul and body are separated.

~O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O~

Fire,

That is all I see,

Fire and blood.

I am the cause of all this destruction,

The reason for this pain,

The demon born from hate and desire,

A monster meant to destroy.

If only I could stop myself,

_He_ had tried,

_She_ had cried,

He attempted to save,

She had prayed,

And they both failed in vain.

What good am I?

The heart that I once had was ripped from me,

My own too weak to fight,

I'm nothing but a puppet of the devil himself.

The screams are so loud and painful,

Why am I so weak against myself?

It would be better for me to simply disappear,

My being to vanish,

I should let myself burn into ashes,

Break into shards,

Crumble into dust,

Cease to exist,

Forever,

And _never_ return.

I don't deserve the love that _he_ had mentioned,

What monster does?

A being without a heart doesn't deserve anything,

And yet,

They continue to search for me,

I wonder why?

Could they still love me?

But why would they?

I have caused them so much pain,

Inflicted so many wounds,

Physically,

Emotionally,

Mentally,

I took their trust and burned it to ashes,

Just like everything else around me.

But,

What about their love?

What did I do to that?

I wish I could ask,

But when I speak,

The words that come out are never my own,

It's almost as if I'm simply watching everything happen,

Hear everything happen,

Feel everything happen,

But never _actually_ do anything.

I wonder if this is what it was like for that person?

What would he say if I told him?

Would he believe me,

Or would he not even care?

I guess I'll never know,

Because my true voice never makes it outside,

Never makes it to others ears,

The words are always here,

But never there,

How unfair.

I can talk,

But never say what's really on my mind,

Never say I'm sorry,

Never confess,

But no matter what,

I cannot die,

No matter how much I wish to disappear,

I must live,

or at least exist,

For her,

It is almost sad,

Or so I would like to say,

But with almost no heart at all,

Emotions do not truly exist for me.

That is no doubt,

The saddest part about my wretched self.

If only I could become the fire I created,

That way,

When all the pain has burned away,

I can slowly disappear,

And never have to see,

Hear,

Feel,

Taste,

I'll never have to worry again,

But I can't,

My only peace is when I sleep,

Though it is unnecessary,

Monsters like myself only do it to stay healthy,

Otherwise we continue to do as told,

I must find a way out,

I don't want this,

I never did,

I just want to be back with the people that had welcomed me,

Had loved me,

Worried about me,

Cried for me,

Fought for me,

Laughed for me.

I want to return to those days of happiness,

So does this mean that I have not forgotten their love for me?

Even so,

I cannot go back,

Not like this,

Not as a monster,

But as me,

And only me,

Yes,

That is what I will do,

I will act until the time is right,

But until then,

I will continue this dreadful life,

Fooling them,

And the enemy,

Then one day,

When the other me comes to kill me,

Instead of me taking his life,

I will fake it,

No one will realize that what was stabbed,

Was not him,

But myself,

After that,

I will explain everything that I can,

So that they can understand,

And once they do,

They'll will take me in again,

Embrace me,

Forgive me,

Everything will be the way it should be,

I will return Fai-san his magic,

I will promise to never leave Sakura's side again,

I will ask both my other self and Kurogane-san to train me,

Everyone will smile again,

And I will no longer,

Have to vanish,

Like the fire that does not die around me.


End file.
